I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
