Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
