Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
