I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
