I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
