I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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