I will die if light touches me.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
