if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
