you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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