Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
