I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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