Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
