Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We talked him into tasing himself.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
