I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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