All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
