I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
