your room smells of hookers.
And success
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
