I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
