i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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