this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I understand Curling. That high.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
