Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
