dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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