The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
