I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
time to smoke my breakfast
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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