i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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