I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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