At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
