apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
