And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
