I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
