It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
