a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
