If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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