Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
