I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
