I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
