My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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