The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
