i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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