I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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