I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
