Soap is not a condiment
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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