I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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