if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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