so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
