its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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