I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Fuck appropriateness.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
