just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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