Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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