Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
