For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
love makes seman taste better
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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