So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
