The maid of honor just puked.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
