Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
